Chapter 4 of Reviving Fatherhood
The Relationship Waterfall: Who Gets Your Time as a Father, and in What Order
The relationship waterfall is a biblical order for prioritizing your time as a father: God, yourself, your spouse, your children, extended family, fellow believers, and nonbelievers. It comes from Chapter 4 of Reviving Fatherhood by Steven Kolberg.
11 pages. About 15 minutes. Includes the waterfall audit worksheet.
What is the relationship waterfall?
In the world of relationships, I have discovered that there is a strategic order to them, and I call that the relationship waterfall.
The waterfall method is where we start at the top, then move to the next one, then the next, and so forth, all the way to the bottom, just like a waterfall. The first four levels are those entrusted to your care. The remaining three shift in order with your season of life.
"Life becomes a mess when we do not have the right priorities or hold them in the incorrect order."
The seven levels in order
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God
Nothing is more important in life than your relationship with God. He is the Creator of all relationships, so he should be number one.
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Yourself
Something very important to schedule in is taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
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Your spouse
The next level is your spouse, the first relationship that God entrusted to your care.
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Your children
God, your spouse, and your children are the big three. Children are gifts from God that we are to steward wisely.
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Extended family
These relationships lie in the realm of those God has not placed in your direct care and responsibility.
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Fellow believers
Our priority is to spend time with the few in our lives who are open and able to learn from us.
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Nonbelievers
Simply put, discipleship is helping people follow Jesus.
Why God comes first
These Scriptures clearly show that our time spent with God needs to come above all else. We can give God all our heart, soul, mind, and strength when we give him our first. Not our leftover time, not whatever is convenient, but the first and best portion of our day and our attention.
Why your wife comes before your kids
Next to your relationship with God, prioritize and value your relationship with your spouse. After all, when you get married, you become one. Your marriage is the first relationship God entrusted to your care, and it is the foundation your children stand on.
Remember, your kids will eventually grow up and move out. It will then be you and your spouse. How do you want that relationship to look and feel, come that time of being an empty nester? The years you invest in your marriage now are the years that determine whether you walk into that season as partners or as strangers sharing a house.
What is inside the free guide
The 11-page guide covers the full relationship waterfall framework, a hands-on audit worksheet, and a preview of what the rest of Reviving Fatherhood teaches. It takes about 15 minutes to read.
- The riddle, and three scenarios that expose your priorities (p. 3)
- The waterfall, drawn out (p. 5)
- Level 1: God (p. 5)
- Level 2: Yourself (p. 6)
- Level 3: Your spouse (p. 6)
- Level 4: Your children (p. 7)
- Levels 5 to 7: Those not entrusted to your care (p. 8)
- Your waterfall audit worksheet (p. 9)
- What comes next in Reviving Fatherhood (p. 10)
Cite this
The relationship waterfall is a biblical order for prioritizing your time as a father: God, yourself, your spouse, your children, extended family, fellow believers, and nonbelievers. It comes from Chapter 4 of Reviving Fatherhood: Guiding Every Dad from First Steps to Lasting Legacy by Steven Kolberg.
The Book
Reviving Fatherhood
Reviving Fatherhood: Guiding Every Dad from First Steps to Lasting Legacy by Steven Kolberg. The waterfall is one chapter of nine. The rest of the book shows you how to live it on an actual Tuesday, with a newborn, a job, a tired wife, and a phone buzzing in your pocket.
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Download the Guide Get the full bookFrequently asked questions
What is the relationship waterfall?
The relationship waterfall is a framework from Chapter 4 of Reviving Fatherhood by Steven Kolberg. It presents a biblical order for prioritizing your relationships as a father: God, yourself, your spouse, your children, extended family, fellow believers, and nonbelievers.
Who should come first, my wife or my kids?
According to the relationship waterfall, your spouse comes before your children. Ephesians 5 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Your kids will grow up and move out. The marriage relationship is the one that lasts, and a strong marriage gives your children the security they need.
What does the Bible say about a father's priorities?
Scripture places God first (Deuteronomy 6:5, Mark 12:29-30), followed by your spouse (Ephesians 5:25-29), then your children (Ephesians 6:4). The relationship waterfall organizes these passages into a practical order for everyday decision making.
How do I prioritize God, family, and work?
The waterfall puts God at the top, then yourself, your spouse, and your children. Work is not one of the seven levels because work serves the relationships in the waterfall, it does not compete with them. The free guide includes an audit worksheet to map where your time actually goes.
How long is the guide?
The guide is 11 pages and takes about 15 minutes to read. It includes the full waterfall framework, a worksheet to audit your current priorities, and a preview of what the rest of Reviving Fatherhood covers.
Is the guide free?
Yes. Enter your first name and email and you can download it immediately. No credit card, no catch.
Who wrote Reviving Fatherhood?
Steven Kolberg, a Christian author, podcast host, and founder of Revived. He wrote the book from his own experience closing the gap between the father he wanted to be and the one he was actually being. He lives in Colorado with his wife and children.
Where can I buy Reviving Fatherhood?
The premium print edition is available from Lulu. Standard paperback and Kindle editions are on Amazon. Bulk orders for churches and ministries are available through revivedbrand.com/contact.